Winners & Losers | The Pope and the Dope

First Lady Melania Trump's self-serving presser stands in sharp contrast to Pope Leo's message of peace.

This might be old news by now, but it shouldn’t be.

Last Tuesday, President Trump sent bombers on their way to Iran and let everyone know that he was about to destroy an entire “civilization.” As with everything Trump, we all maybe had a hunch it wasn’t going to happen, that it was a bluff. The Iranians certainly knew it was a bluff. If Trump had been a civilization unto himself, he would have been destroyed by their online trolling.

Whether or not he was bluffing (he was, as we know now), threatening to destroy a civilization is an inhuman, disgusting, mindless, soulless gesture of abject stupidity. You don’t do that. You just don’t. The entire world was disgusted, and it seems we all remain so.

It wasn’t a bluff; in fact, it was an admission that he’d lost the war. It is not the move you make when you sit from a position of power. And it’s telling that Iran’s response was mockery. They clearly understood the power dynamics at play.

Let’s game it out a little bit. On one hand, had Trump carried out a civilization-ending attack, his presidency would be finished, and the United States would be a pariah. Let’s say he didn’t go that far, but he attacked critical infrastructure, such as desalination plants and power stations. Let’s say he left the country thirsty and powerless.

What then? Would that have forced Iran’s hand? Forced them to do what? Stop attacking ships in the Strait? Certainly not.

So last week hinged on the events that took place Tuesday night. We can analyze the events all we want, but Trump lost. Iran won. Nothing was resolved. Here we sit.

His entire life should be defined by the fact that he was willing to at least entertain the mass murder of an entire people.

I’m heartsick that most of us have already moved on from last Tuesday. Moving on means ensuring a repeat.

But it’s fair to have moved on a little bit, because the rest of the week got really, really weird. It would be easy to hand this week’s Loser trophy to Trump and call it a day, but there were other stories and other characters that we should talk about.

I mean it. Last week was weird, even beyond the world almost ending.

Let’s get into it.

Melania Trump, Loser

This is a developing story.

Last week, Melania Trump released a short, pre-taped statement from the Grand Foyer of the White House, claiming that she didn’t have a relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. She opened with: "Good afternoon. The lies linking me with the disgraceful Jeffrey Epstein need to end today …”

Mmmkay.

You’ve already heard the statement. You’ve read the coverage. You probably have your own theories. I’m writing this on Sunday, April 12, so there’s a good chance by the time you read this, we’ll all have a ton more information on this weird and disturbing story.