We are officially a quarter-millennium into this thing, and it couldn’t be going better. Really. Everything’s fine. We’re great.
Right?
Right?!
The Reflecting Pool. The East Wing. The huge-wonderful-fair-that’s-too-hot-and-nobody-showed-up-for. Our broken healthcare system. Exploding personal debt. Environmental calamity. ICE terror in American cities.
This is the America that is for us. And for them?
A White House trimmed in gold. A billion-dollar ballroom. Luxury jets paid for by us and the Qataris. A Supreme Court calcifying their power. Crypto billions. Corporate billions. Stock market billions. Billions and billions and billions for them.
This year, we minted our first trillionaire. The rest of us can kick rocks.
At the end of 2025, you chose your Winner & Loser of the Year. For the next couple weeks, we’re going bigger. It’s time to choose your Winner & Loser of the Quarter Millennium.
Loser of the Year!
De Tocqueville said, “If men are to remain civilized, the art of associating together must grow and improve.” Calling the other side a bunch of Losers might, I admit, go against the spirit of artful association, as de Tocqueville intended.
Below, you will find the ballot. In the spirit of exploration and adventure, we’re going to make this a ranked-choice contest. In the comments of this post, list your top three choices for Loser of the Quarter Millennium (Trump is already King Loser of the Universe, so don’t vote for him. You’ll see the crown at the tippy top of his orange nest on the ballot). Want to rank your top five? Great! Your top 10? Why not? This is America.
Some of these people aren’t even in the scene anymore, but they’re Loserness was so epic that they made the ballot. I’m looking at you, Kristi Noem.
Next week we’ll have our run-off.
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There's too many. No, really, they all suck at a level of worst Americans of all time, but if I must pick:
Russel Vought--one of those behind-the-scenes twits who thinks he's smarter than every other American alive so he can determine what's best for America. Yet he doesn't have a clue as to what America is about.
RFK Jr.--My personal choice for worst cabinet member of ALL TIME, since he may be directly responsible for thousands of deaths...because viruses don't give a damn one way or the other if human beings believe in science or not.
Stephen Miller--the human anal polyp. If only he didn't look like such a creep, maybe he wouldn't be such a creep.
#1 is Clarence Thomas, who's in a class by himself. I hope the gates of hell open soon for him
Separately, the 6-3 Supreme Court majority is definitely #2. It's done by far the most damage to the country.
#3 would definitely be Mike Johnson, simply because Holy Mike is the most disgusting person in Congress, which takes a whole lot of doing.
#4 is a tie between RFK Jr. and Elon Musk, simply because of the number of deaths they will cause.
#5 is Stephen Miller, Nosferatu himself, because he's a genuinely evil person.
#6 is again a tie with Russell Vought and Peter Thiel, this time for Project 2025.
The rest, including Hegseth and Vance, are opportunists simply taking advantage of the chaos and destruction that Trump, Putin and Netanyahu have caused.
Putin and Netanyahu are in a class of their own - an unholy triumvirate of evil. Rightfully, Xi Jinping belongs in their too, but he's only taking advantage of the situation and biding his time for Taiwan and then the whole of Asia and the South Pacific.