Our country is in an abusive relationship with Donald Trump. Although we mustered the collective strength to leave him once, America went back to him. Why?
Why did the US go back to him? or, did we? Deep inspections as to mail in votes being discarded, and blatant electronic voting machine rigging is well underway . More to be revealed soon. A lot of trumpers were voting for $$ reasons, wonder what they think now?
Good analogy! I don;'t know how we, the sane 70%,' can convince the 'abused" to leave but they must do it en masse and I am skeptical that there is a single iota of collective courage among them.
The best way to leave an abuser is to go no contact. Given that more than 30 percent of Americans do not realize that they are stuck in the cycle of abuse, this leaves the heavy lifting to the other 70-ish percent. What does no contact look like on a grand scale? That is going to take a lot of creative thinking and coordination from citizens, civic leaders, independent media and politicians. It has been forming over the past 8 months, but we still have a very long way to go.
This is an interesting, but off-the-mark analogy. MAGA is not in an abusive relationship with Trump. Unlike a woman who might have been gaslit by an abusive monster, MAGA sees Trump as their one true North Star, the very epitome of all they deem holy. The rest of us either fervently campaigned and voted against him, or like many who still thought the GOP was playing by the Marquis of Queensberry rules, threatened to sit out the 2024 election because of Gaza, LGBTQ+ or other of what the right calls "woke" issues. Too many didn't bother to vote at all because of the canard that there is no difference in the two parties.
Boiled it down. Now, how to get this POV expressed by influencers and media outlets? Pulpits, political pundits, power brokers, and podcasters: Please read and share with your audiences.
The real question is how the States of America will prepare themselves for Civil War. An interesting statistic is that in 2022 approximately 49% of the US military was drawn from the former Confederate States of America. Fascist Trump and the MAGATs have changed the states that fall in the Red State Camp so the distribution is different (46% from Blue States, 54% from Red States). Of course, one has no right to expect that political leanings are homogeneous in the men and women who serve in the military and the likelihood is high for leaning Red more often than Blue. Still, Blue States pay the bills and do have a wealth of intellectual capital and creativity to draw on. Fascist Trump and the MAGATs are using muscle, like totalitarian Russia and China, to beat down and pillage the opposition, but we can draw on the lesson from Ukraine: freedom is worth the price.
For years I have thought that the relationship between MAGA and Trump could be compared to the relationship between a victim of domestic abuse and their abuser. You have expressed the analogy beautifully. Thank you!
I have thought this for a long time only because my reactions were telling me I know this feeling from my past. I had to accept I would die to get out of what I was in...I had 2 small children and the only next step I could take was to face being killed... I survived and I hope my children are stronger because of my decision to look death in the face and say "I dare you"
Best description of Trump and those who love him despite the fact he only wants to "help" by controlling, trapping, erasing who they are, and destroying their spirit.
I like your analogy and its implications, even as, based on my own very early first marriage to an abusive male, and my subsequent escape and scramble to establish myself as a confident and self-supporting professional (psychotherapist), your analysis falls a bit short, in two ways. One, Trump, while psychologically close cousin to typical (borderline personality disordered) domestic abusers, is actually much sicker than they are. He is a psychopath without a conscience. Oftentimes, as you may know, an abuser feels a panicky kind of remorse within a short time after he acts out his insecurities, and initiates what is called 'the honeymoon period' in the cycle of abuse, during which time he apologizes, promises never to do harm again, acts very 'loving' (in his mind romantic, buying flowers, candy, making romance novel style moves) before reverting to type and abusing again. This is typical for a person with borderline personality disorder, which Trump doesn't have. People with BPDO flip flop in their 'love' relationships, but this is because they see intimate others alternately as 'all good' and 'all bad.' Trump's psychopathy goes deeper. He is more like a criminal than a simple abuser (and of course there is some overlap). I don't think he's ever 'tried to make it up' to anyone, ever. And secondly, your analysis seems to give short shrift to the process an 'escapee' must engage in if she is to avoid returning to the abuser or choosing another one. (And there may be clues as to why MAGA types stick with Trump through thick and thin, here.) Abusees are often victims of the denigrating memes and restrictions placed upon women within their families of origin as well as society as a whole. Their self concept doesn't change overnight, but is stepwise, and can take decades, even as they learn how to take better care of themselves along the way. Having said that, I applaud your point of view and the guts it takes to put it out there at a time like this. Thanks.
You make excellent points. I left an abusive marriage and it took a strength i didn’t even know I had, but changed the trajectory of the rest of my life, for the better. I will reflect on how I did that, 25+ years ago and see what applies to this situation. For the record, I never went back. Great essay, thank you!
This is the best explanation I have ever heard concerning the situation we are in with Trump. It is indeed exactly like all abusive relation. Always the hope that it will get better and never does. Thanks, Lisa. Take care.
Why did the US go back to him? or, did we? Deep inspections as to mail in votes being discarded, and blatant electronic voting machine rigging is well underway . More to be revealed soon. A lot of trumpers were voting for $$ reasons, wonder what they think now?
Good analogy! I don;'t know how we, the sane 70%,' can convince the 'abused" to leave but they must do it en masse and I am skeptical that there is a single iota of collective courage among them.
The best way to leave an abuser is to go no contact. Given that more than 30 percent of Americans do not realize that they are stuck in the cycle of abuse, this leaves the heavy lifting to the other 70-ish percent. What does no contact look like on a grand scale? That is going to take a lot of creative thinking and coordination from citizens, civic leaders, independent media and politicians. It has been forming over the past 8 months, but we still have a very long way to go.
This is an interesting, but off-the-mark analogy. MAGA is not in an abusive relationship with Trump. Unlike a woman who might have been gaslit by an abusive monster, MAGA sees Trump as their one true North Star, the very epitome of all they deem holy. The rest of us either fervently campaigned and voted against him, or like many who still thought the GOP was playing by the Marquis of Queensberry rules, threatened to sit out the 2024 election because of Gaza, LGBTQ+ or other of what the right calls "woke" issues. Too many didn't bother to vote at all because of the canard that there is no difference in the two parties.
Boiled it down. Now, how to get this POV expressed by influencers and media outlets? Pulpits, political pundits, power brokers, and podcasters: Please read and share with your audiences.
The real question is how the States of America will prepare themselves for Civil War. An interesting statistic is that in 2022 approximately 49% of the US military was drawn from the former Confederate States of America. Fascist Trump and the MAGATs have changed the states that fall in the Red State Camp so the distribution is different (46% from Blue States, 54% from Red States). Of course, one has no right to expect that political leanings are homogeneous in the men and women who serve in the military and the likelihood is high for leaning Red more often than Blue. Still, Blue States pay the bills and do have a wealth of intellectual capital and creativity to draw on. Fascist Trump and the MAGATs are using muscle, like totalitarian Russia and China, to beat down and pillage the opposition, but we can draw on the lesson from Ukraine: freedom is worth the price.
For years I have thought that the relationship between MAGA and Trump could be compared to the relationship between a victim of domestic abuse and their abuser. You have expressed the analogy beautifully. Thank you!
As a psychotherapist, I’ve never considered this issue clearly enough. You described it perfectly.
I have thought this for a long time only because my reactions were telling me I know this feeling from my past. I had to accept I would die to get out of what I was in...I had 2 small children and the only next step I could take was to face being killed... I survived and I hope my children are stronger because of my decision to look death in the face and say "I dare you"
Best description of Trump and those who love him despite the fact he only wants to "help" by controlling, trapping, erasing who they are, and destroying their spirit.
Brilliant analogy!
I like your analogy and its implications, even as, based on my own very early first marriage to an abusive male, and my subsequent escape and scramble to establish myself as a confident and self-supporting professional (psychotherapist), your analysis falls a bit short, in two ways. One, Trump, while psychologically close cousin to typical (borderline personality disordered) domestic abusers, is actually much sicker than they are. He is a psychopath without a conscience. Oftentimes, as you may know, an abuser feels a panicky kind of remorse within a short time after he acts out his insecurities, and initiates what is called 'the honeymoon period' in the cycle of abuse, during which time he apologizes, promises never to do harm again, acts very 'loving' (in his mind romantic, buying flowers, candy, making romance novel style moves) before reverting to type and abusing again. This is typical for a person with borderline personality disorder, which Trump doesn't have. People with BPDO flip flop in their 'love' relationships, but this is because they see intimate others alternately as 'all good' and 'all bad.' Trump's psychopathy goes deeper. He is more like a criminal than a simple abuser (and of course there is some overlap). I don't think he's ever 'tried to make it up' to anyone, ever. And secondly, your analysis seems to give short shrift to the process an 'escapee' must engage in if she is to avoid returning to the abuser or choosing another one. (And there may be clues as to why MAGA types stick with Trump through thick and thin, here.) Abusees are often victims of the denigrating memes and restrictions placed upon women within their families of origin as well as society as a whole. Their self concept doesn't change overnight, but is stepwise, and can take decades, even as they learn how to take better care of themselves along the way. Having said that, I applaud your point of view and the guts it takes to put it out there at a time like this. Thanks.
You make excellent points. I left an abusive marriage and it took a strength i didn’t even know I had, but changed the trajectory of the rest of my life, for the better. I will reflect on how I did that, 25+ years ago and see what applies to this situation. For the record, I never went back. Great essay, thank you!
This is the best explanation I have ever heard concerning the situation we are in with Trump. It is indeed exactly like all abusive relation. Always the hope that it will get better and never does. Thanks, Lisa. Take care.
Do you mean Bill Barr? You wrote Bob Barr.